I’m going to reach 50,000 words on the YA book this week! YAY!
Also, I’ve started writing the summer book I was talking about earlier, but I’m still not sure which perspective it should be in…
Also, this is just a side note, but it’s something that matters deeply to me: love is love. God is god. We’re all earthlings, regardless of either of those things. Getting pissed off or hateful about someone who isn’t attracted to the same gender you are, or who doesn’t believe in your imaginary friend, or whatever it is that’s getting you so riled up, is stupid and childish. If we all focused half as much energy on cleaning up our trash, taking care of our loved ones, and just being better people as we do on putting one another down and telling everyone who doesn’t follow our individual creed of belief that they’re wrong and we’re right, then this world might just be a better place.
Thanks to a lot of very loud, very insecure, and very mean people, it’s not.
People need to start treating people like people.
I don’t like this black hole of nothingness that follows a finished education, but doesn’t also contain a “next step.” I don’t like not knowing what’s going to happen, or how long it might take for something to happen. I don’t like this new lack of direction: “find a job.” That’s not specific enough. How long will “find a job” be the only direction I go in? How long until I find one? How long until I can live with the people I now sorely miss again?
How long will I be stuck in this black hole?
I’ve driven to the edge of the cliff (finished school), jumped off into space (the black hole), and now I’m waiting either for something to catch me, or to be flung deeper into the pit.
I don’t like being separate from people I’ve lived with for so long. I don’t like not being in the same vicinity as them. I don’t like people being so far away. I hate this.
And aside from job hunting—the vaguest job ever, I feel like—I have nothing planned. I have nowhere to go. I am, quite literally, stuck in place until I find something. Sure, get a book published, yeah, but that was supposed to happen alongside an income. Now there’s no income and I don’t know when there will be for certain. Until I get something, and something that gets me both out of loans and into financial security, I’m suspended in space.
Now I know what the black hole feels like: fear. Terrible, ugly, gripping fear.
I am terrified of this.
“I don’t want to go.”
I don’t want to leave school anymore. Send me back to a place where I know what every day will bring and I have expectations to meet and there are people down the hall from me to hang out with and things are certain. I don’t like being in flux.
The Doctor brings out so much possibility in life, but I’m so terrified right now that it’s getting harder to see what he sees.
I guess it’s time to move on now. To think I’d been afraid of school at first. This, too, is one of those things, I suppose.
unless you’ve been living in a cave (or have a large amount of privilege), you should know that people who are transgender/sexual are constantly hated/discriminated against in the U.S.
There are multiple petitions at change.org to help combat this….